When Connectivity Disconnects US

A moment to reflect

As a kid, my family and I had to sit in the smoking section on our flight to a “dream vacation” to Disney World in Orlando. I think I tried to hold my breath for three hours. I was going to the “Happiest Place on Earth,” but I wasn’t happy.

It seems weird today, but coming home after junior bowling or a concert smelling like an ashtray was normal not long ago. When you went out to eat, the hostess asked for the number in your party and if you wanted to sit in the smoking section, non-smoking, or take the first available table.

Doctors endorsed cigarettes as anxiety and weight loss remedies and the tobacco industry lobbied fiercely to keep smoking ubiquitous despite settled science on its harmful effects.

Today, in most corners of the States, our tobacco addiction has eased, but we’ve picked up something else: our smartphones.

Although I value my phone and pre-ordered my iPhone 16, have seen social media’s benefits (and harms), don’t have an issue with ads, and created a pretty awesome app with Pause Breathe Reflect, my connection with it has ebbed and flowed from healthy to dysfunctional. 

As a parent, I regret giving my daughters smartphones in middle school and potentially putting them in harm’s way. However, I give myself grace because resources that could have helped me know better weren’t available back then. Today, information like the documentary “The Social Dilemma,” Frances Haugen’s whistleblowing on Facebook, and Jonathan Haidt’s book “The Anxious Generation” help us do better.

Again, I’m a fan of the phone, but they should add to our lives, not run them. As someone who coaches leaders on building effective relationships, I know there’s value in alone time. That is, being alone without your phone.

“I can focus better when using my phone,” – said no one ever.

Over the last year, I’ve asked thousands to describe their “relationship” with their smartphone. For most, they’re not healthy.

They want to move from feelings of FOMO, inadequacies, shame, fatigue, and always being “on” to seeing their phones not as a source of addiction but rather as a resource that gives them more time for authentic connections, more IRL moments, and self-care.

Instead of habitually picking them up, we can be more intentional. I’m sure content creators (raising my hand here) and advertisers would prefer that people were more attentive and actually saw their creative photos, videos, and ad placements rather than rapidly numb-scrolling past them.

For the record, I’m not saying we should ditch our phones and convert to flip phones. That’s not happening. But they shouldn’t be everywhere like tobacco was years ago. And when I say everywhere, I mean everywhere from our beds to the dinner tables to meetings to schools and even, “Come On, Man,” the urinals during sporting events – we need to create some space from our phones.

“My posture has been better since using my phone,”​ –​ said no one ever.

When you do, you’ll have more time for other things that add joy and happiness to your life, like hobbies, hanging with your peeps, heck, sleeping, and finding a few more moments to Pause, Breathe, and Reflect. 

Plus, when you are thoughtful about what you have on your phone and how you use it, it will become the tool that adds to your life rather than drains you.

Recently, I’ve started providing free Smartphone Wellness Checks to help people take a first step toward improving how they interact with their phones because, 

To improve your smartphone wellness, click the button below to begin.

“I wish I could spend more time on my phone.” – said no one ever.

We can do hard things. We’ve eased our addiction to tobacco and created healthy boundaries, and we can do the same with our phones. As we look back today and shake our heads at where we permitted people to smoke, one day, we will look back at our early smartphone days and be shocked at how addicted we were to them. We will also be grateful that today, we took the first step toward having a better connection with them.

And when we look up from our phones, we’ll be able to see, hear, and love each other more and find a way to ease another one of our worst addictions that divides us: our addiction to being right.

Until next week, have fun storming the castle.

Michael